Understanding Yourself and Your Teen

So, imagine that on this particular day, your teens behaviour provokes a reaction in you, that leaves you feeling guilty for the way you responded back to them.

What if you decided that this was the month or year that you were going to practice putting in the PAUSE before you respond.

Pause in that moment, not just for the sake of pausing, but so that you can check yourself. For example: Are you at your capacity to deal with it right now or are you calm enough to be curious as to what is behind that behaviour. Are you willing enough to put in that boundary for yourself and let your teen know that right now, you need to walk away, and you will talk to them later. Are you able and willing to apologise if you feel you need to.

You see, even in these moments, you are modelling to your teen how to regulate yourself just enough, to be able have a conversation instead of a shouting match. You are teaching them that patience may be required to wait and have this conversation later. You are showing them that you love them but will not tolerate that behaviour.

However, it is not one sided. As much as you are modelling or teaching your teen, they too are teaching you things you may not know about them. We just have to be in a space ourselves, where we truly are removing our habits of our own reactions, and open and willing enough to be able to hear what they are trying to tell us. All behaviour is communication.

“Every behavior is a form of communication - it’s up to us to decipher the message.”
― Devina King, From Surviving To Thriving: The Art and Science of Guiding Children To Develop Behavioral Regulation
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